I came to the realization by the end of 2018, that especially for love, and for what I believe is "the right person," I found myself endlessly twisting, and molding myself into something in order to desperately hold on and keep this person still in my life. It was excruciatingly painful. What was worse was that i chose to remain physically and emotionally involved, to stay still connected to them, despite the erratic, infrequent, non committed, non relational status it had fallen into. I was getting less and less back and comparing the "now" to what "used to be," and always coming up with the sand running through my fingers as the wind blew....nothing... but disappointment, heart ache, misery, and loss.
Sometimes we want something so bad, see something that they don't see, and feel something that they don't feel or won't allow themselves to feel. Ugh! We can't make people love us, want to be with us, treat us better, and fill us up. We have to first do that for ourselves and once we do that, we realize that person that is not doing those wonderful acts of love, not filling us up, not coming towards us w great interest and care, not showing up for us...they do not deserve to be in our life. They are not privileged enough to be in our company as we are all so unique and are wonderful gifts;
I decided, in December, that I was tired of the pain, the constant longing for more, the wanting of something that wasn't there and for trying to "force it" if only.... I was tired of the infrequency of communication, the feeling of being always out of control, and more importantly, willingly turning over my self worth to this individual who didn't deserve it. I was trying to push jell-o up hill on a 150 degree day just to keep them in my life in some drab, formless, watered down, discolored, weak form of a connection. My heart constantly felt like it had been stomped on to the point pieces were not recognizable; I danced and contorted myself emotionally for little colorless spoonful in order to keep them interested and involved.
Enough! I called Bullshit! This is Insanity and I want OUT! What happened to Living Life Lusciously?, Choosing Happiness?, Indulging my soul and Living my Bliss? There was no Bliss in this! I made a blanket statement that I will never love a man more than myself! btw which made me recall a saying I had remembered being stated: "A woman must love herself more than any man or he will use and abuse her! " Bingo! Told ya so sweetheart!
If men or our wanted partners are not going to treat us like luxury items, and we keep discounting ourselves in order to still be bought, what is it worth to us? A lot! Specifically, our joy, pleasure, happiness, our power, and our self worth. Ladies take your power back! If he or your partner are the right person, they will come back and treat you like the luxury item you are, you deserve, and makes you glow! Or there will be someone who will... you just had to stand up for yourself. Believe it my dear...but only after you start treating yourself like the luxury item you are and stop discounting yourself if they are not measuring up!
Words of wisdom I write today and I embrace and meditate too every day. It is one of my set intentions for me this year and one I lovingly share with you in hopes that you can break free from a panged, disheartening relationship that is not filling you up.
Closing the door was one of the hardest things I have ever done...especially on something that I had strongly believed in.. but I can't make someone love me, want me, need me. If they are not coming towards me, giving like I am giving, and filling me up, they don't deserve to be in my life. I chose self love over loving someone that doesn't love me back. I pray you can find the energy and courage in your life, if you need to stand up for the Goddess woman that you are!
God Bless! In Love!