2018, Not what I expected, a year of transformation!
Posted on 31 December 2018
Wow! I do remember saying on New Years Day, 2018 while a friend was over and we were on our second bottle of champagne, my life will look so different at the end of this year, vs. how it is this first day of the New Year. Boy was I right!
Honestly, it has been a very challenging year, as I know for many others as well. Looking back it began with foot surgery on my left foot, second toe, on Dec 27, 2017 which left me for the remainder of the holiday season and New Years Day, 2018, on the couch and reliant on friends to stop by and visit for companionship. I am thankful for the myriad of friends that stopped by and who brought gifts of nourishment and dear friendship. There were even some that had appeared from my distant past. Very touching.
The healing process was going well, till one night, three weeks in, I made the grand decision to refuse to sleep w that disgusting boot on my foot and while prancing to the bathroom in the middle of the night, I jammed the pin that was keeping my toe together all the way down my foot and materialized a mean, green, infection. Two days later I am in surgery again, to remove all the hardware and to flush it out w antibiotics. Start #2! Four weeks later ( now week number 7 of this journey, at my doctor check up, it was deemed that my foot was not healing properly and was still deeply infected and probably in the bone. ugh! I cried and called my parents to come out from Ohio. Surgery #3, they opened up and performed debridement of the wound and flushed mounds of antibiotic into the wound, and sutured it up. I was now to see an Infectious Disease Doctor and be in his care for the next 3 weeks with daily antibiotic treatments through an IV. My mom was with me when they told me this wonderful news and I sobbed. Just Peachy!
It didn't help that the boy (today's reflection looking back vs. a man) I met the night before my surgery, in December via Match, whom I thought had a good possibility of being something significant ( the only Lutheran I had ever, I mean ever, met in Orange County, lol) by this time started pulling back to the point of disappearing for two weeks and pulled an entire 180 from the person I originally had met. By the time of my third surgery, he had pretty much distanced himself with no reach out to wish me well for this medical event; while two weeks further into the future he stopped by to announce the relationship had ended. So much for the destined "Lutheran" connection. The one memory that strongly sticks in my mind is me sobbing my eyes out, (as I keep my head turned to the right to avoid detection) to the music of Brandi Carlile Radio on Pandora, while driving my wonderful parents around on a duffy boat, on a beautiful Sunday afternoon in March around Newport Beach Harbor. What a mess I was!
With the onset of April and my birthday month, sunshine begins to appear and my heart heals just enough to eventually let an English friend, whom I had met almost a year ago at a charity event, who had now reappeared in my life by ordering 5 varieties of my Live Life Lusciously Italian Mascarpone Cheesecakes, spend time with me. Poignantly, back in January, I had made the fantastic decision to "treat myself," to start creating my own joy, and to "choose joy," and to have something to look forward to through my early 2018 struggles. I decided to go to Meghan and Harry's Wedding in the Windsor, planned for May. Though the Englishman could not join me, he was a great remote guide and sent me to all the best places to visit, sites to see, and tips on seeing England properly. My trip to England was one of the best vacations I had ever had! Traveling by myself, I found it natural and easy to find female or male companions on the way to plan a days excursion to tour all of London on foot, attend the Queen's Roses Cabaret with members of the English press, navigate and attend the Royal Wedding in Windsor by the castle wall, or to simply have a wonderful conversation at a British pub or wine bar. I came back from my trip excited: loving the romance of The Royals, the true love and connection that Meghan and Harry display, and also very rejuvenated: having had a beautiful sunny change of scenery and many gifts of new acquaintances that showered my trip with joy and to continue to live my mantra of "choosing Joy!"
Regarding the Englishman: He was kind enough to entertain me on my birthday in April with a fabulous bouquet of flowers that were larger than my kitchen sink and the most stunning collection of roses, hydrangeas, lilies, and greenery that I had ever seen, and a wonderful dinner. By the time I left for England in early May, I was leaning in, as I was felling so wonderfully adored, and indulged upon. By the time I returned from my Royal Excursion, and a week later, my Englishman informed me that he did not have time for a relationship. A bit of an unexpected shock... but I honored and respected his decision and new in my heart I would not respect him if he did not take care of the issues that recently plagued his life. He truly did not have time for a relationship.
Now we are in June. I had been working for a small start up company based in Miramar Florida, since May of 2016, and was in charge of their Healthcare Vertical in Business Development and Sales. I have always been extremely successful throughout my career, as I am a hard worker, have a good work ethic, am diligent, a team player, build great relationships and have a strong will to persevere and succeed. This was the first time in my career life, I could not sell anything. I would bring numerous deals to the point of "vendor of choice," selection and due to something out of my control ( exit of decision maker I had relationship, the liberal nature of our business model trying to be sold in a consertavie healthcare environment, or the lack of Technical mandated certifications in order to business), left me struggling. I was dumbfounded, and frustrated; I could always make things possible, and sell! In March of this year, the company was taken over by new investors who had big dreams of tripling sales within 5 years and reselling the company. Seeing my Healthcare Vertical struggling did not cast me in a Glowing Radiant Light. I knew it too and felt incredible amounts of stress and pressure which found me suffering from debilitating migraines which led to nausea, insomnia, and no possible remedy for relief despite my desperation to find one. My relief came on July 11, with the call from my manager and an Human Resource Guest on the phone whereby I was given my final notice. I slept like a baby that night and felt like a new woman on the morning of July 12!
Its a new Day and Time to "Live Life Lusciously!" I decided to put all of my passion and energy into my dream passion of having an artisan bakery, sharing my life experiences which allow me to have great empathy for others. and to empower woman all over by sharing my truth and my story in hopes that you may be motivated, find some connection, and shorten your pain by finding moments to "Live Life Lusciously!"
The remainder of this year, I have spent rebranding myself, rebuilding myself, creating my website, creating my passion, establishing my commissary kitchen, establishing my new identity, procuring licensing and certification, defining who I want to be, and finding new wonderful women to share my desire to "Live Life Lusciously," and to help each other practice "Indulging your soul, Living Your Bliss!," and of course opening my heart up for real spiritual, soulful, connected love. I am realizing that in order for that amazing love to enter my life, I have to feel that love for myself and to let it illuminate and radiate from within!
Blessings till next week!